Re: blog

On Thu, Jan 3, 2013 at 1:39 PM, Sue Hirsch <> wrote:

Living Inside the Box

I've been comfortable for far too long.  My days have become a bit routine.  Either I'm giving massage, or I'm sitting around the house, and at times, lifting a finger to do some organizing and cleaning.

Time for some self- improvement. 

I picked up an e-book called Supercoach: 10 Michael Neill.  I would put the whole title here, but this Kindle is a bit new to me, and I don't want to lose my place in the book.

Suffice it to say, that it's a great book, and even if I didn't want to become a Life Coach, I would read the book for the humorous and eye opening quotes.

Here's one from Yasmine Bleeth:

This is my ultimate fantasy: watching QVC with a credit card while making love and eating at the same time.

The author used this quote in a chapter about decision making and how most of us base most of our decisions on what we ought to do or what the right thing to do would be. 

Here's a quote that's more to the point, and also humorous by Albert Ellis:  ........musterbation is evil and pernicious....if you didn't musterbate, then you wouldn't awfulize, terribilize, catastrophize, say 'I can't stand it,' and put yourself down.  If you only stuck with, 'I'd like very much to do well, but I never have to,' you wouldn't then disturb yourself.'

The wording of that last phrase is important and the French had the importance and implications figured out long ago, and made it part of their common phrasing.

When we feel what we feel, those feelings are within our control.  We Americans say that someone made us angry, or happy or proud.  The truth is no one else can control how you feel.  You do it all yourself, and you do it to yourself. 

Whatever the emotions are, they have a very direct effect on your body, so when you watch a scarey movie, your body reacts to the fear that you are creating, as though it is a truly fearful situation.  Your psyche really doesn't know the difference between a fright in real life, and one on a movie screen.

When I make myself tense by thinking too far ahead into a far too busy week, my ulcers flare up. 
When I dwell on how proud of my son I am, I choke up with that pride, and my eyes begin to tear, and when I look at my mile high laundry pile with dread, my body reacts to the dread in my psyche. 

What if your kid said something with the intent of making you feel hurt or angry, and that simply didn't happen?  I once saw something like that simply not happen, and I was awe struck.

A mother was holding her tantrumming toddler in line at the store.  The screaming toddler said:  I hate you!!  She kept her cool and said:  Well, that's very awful, and I still won't buy you candy.

I wanted to cheer for her.  Far too often, we do the thing that is going to appease the screaming child, because we think to ourselves that we ought to be polite to the people standing in line with us.  Doing so would only reward the child for the tantrum, and send the message that they can get what they want by being obnoxious, and out in the real world, that doesn't tend to work.

What if you were to change the paradigm?  (Sorry for the cliche).  Have you ever tried asking your child why they are saying a hurtful thing?  Are they experiencing some physical discomfort, or has someone said that same hurtful thing to them, recently? 

My son's behavior used to take a very southward turn, when he had gotten some gluten into his system.  When I began to understand the connection, it was easy to feel compassion for him in his discomfort and to head off any bad behavior, by simply explaining to him that I understood the connection, and that even though his tummy was uncomfortable, I still needed decent behavior from him, and that I would do everything I could to help his tummy feel better. 

His behavior improved immensely after that talk, and we rarely have issues anymore, and certainly no tantrums.

Happy children don't misbehave.  When their needs are met, they tend to be happy.  They can consider the feelings of others when their not uncomfortable or afraid or desperate to get their needs met. 

My husband and I have had the wonderful opportunity of talking to Barbara Joy, a family counselor.  We learned a lot from her, and from our experience of raising our one son.  We decided that a three person and one dog family was right for us.  I have to say that I really admire those parents who are brave enough, and able enough to take on the responsibility of raising multiple children.  I am pretty sure that I couldn't have another child and still be fair to my first born, in terms of giving him the attention he needs.

Right now, I'm going to try to continue to give him the attention he needs, while learning how to be a Life Coach, and slimming down at Curves, and giving great massage at 1295 Petaluma Blvd. N. St. 5.

That's how I'm going to get out of my box, this year.  More feeding the mind, and less feeding the waistline. 

Yours in Service.

Sue Hirsch, Owner of Perfect Day Massage.