Re: new blog

Don't Help!!

If you're anything like me, as a Mom, you probably want to try to solve all your kid(s)' problems.  Sometimes the best solution, is to sit back and let them figure out the best solution, on their own. If we do this, then they have a chance of trusting themselves, later to come up with more of their own solutions and believing that their own solutions are just as good as anyone else's. 

So Tonight, I reminded myself of this, when my 10 year old son came into my office to tell me that he was bored.  Not an uncommon complaint.  Boredom happens to the best of us, and to kids seemingly even more frequently, or maybe it's just more annoying because they tend to think that the best person to solve the problem is Mom or Dad. 

I tried something new, Tonight.  Namely, not getting suckered into trying to provide his answers, because he never likes my answers.  I think I sounded rather Doctor Phil, some of the time.  Here's the conversation: 

C:  I don't have any video games that I want to play right now. 

Me:  So what are your choices? 

C:  (gives me a puzzled look) There's nothing to do. 

Me:  Really?  You can't come up with anything?  

C:  No.............

Me:  Well, then I guess that you'll have to sit around and be bored until you come up with something, because I know that you can..........or (hopefully) you could clean your room for a dollar. 

C:  (Walks away and comes back to re-iterate that there's nothing to do 3 mins. later). 

Me:  Hmmmmmmmmmm.  Lemme think.......................Owwwwwwwww!!  Thinking hurts.  It's your turn.  You try.  

C:  I can't think of anything.  It's your turn again. 

Me:  (Pantomiming intense thought for a moment then looking up suddenly hopeful)  Kings in the Corners?

C:  (Puzzled)  What's that?  

Me:  It's a card game, but it needs 4 people.  Sorry, it was the best I could come up with on short notice.  Your turn to think again. 

C:  No.  It's still your turn. 

Me:  No. I had my turn.  It's your turn now. 

C:  (walks off- tired of Mommy's not getting sucked in.  Returns moments later).

Me:  I really do want you to clean your floor now. 

C:  I was kind of looking for something to do.

Me:  Well you can look for something to do after you clean your room.

C:  But I have to see my choices.

Me:  Okay.  After you clean your room.

C:  (Gives a pained and much put-upon groan and goes to cleaning, and comes back moments later to tell me it's done, and walks off again only to come back still bored). 

Me:  Well, actually, it's bed-time.  Let's read on your bed for a bit. 

C:  (More discontented noises).  

Bed time reading is done, and he's going to bed in a bit, because he has these boredom issues a lot when he's tired.  If I had tried to solve the boredom issues, I would have been solving the wrong problem, and I would have dis-empowered him.  He would have continued to believe that he needed Mom to solve his problems, indefinitely.  

Guys, another great time to not try to help right away, is when your wife is venting.  Sometimes we all just need to vent, and when a woman is venting, and you start trying to solve her problem, you're going to be wrong.  You're also stopping her process of getting herself back to a loving space.

My Dearest husband and I came across one of these sticky points in our relationship, a few days ago.  I had felt a lack of respect from someone I care about, during a conversation in which I was interrupted, more than once.  This kind of thing has often come up between me and this other person, so that I had to express some discontent, later, in the privacy of the trip home.  My husband thought that I was asking for a dissertation on how to be a more interesting conversationalist.  
I'm sure that you see the folly, of his ill- timed dissertation.  I became increasingly defensive, and he became increasingly aware that my anger at the situation was turning to anger at him.  His trying to teach me something implied that he thought I needed to learn it.  It also implied that the person who had slighted me was not in the wrong, or that I had been wrong to have let myself be slighted, because I hadn't handled the situation correctly. 

All I had really needed to hear was something like:  I'm sorry you felt that way, and what are you going to do about it or what are you going to do differently, next time? 

Of course not everyone has gone through Life Coach training, and from that, knows that we all have our own perfect solutions within us.  There is no client that doesn't come to a Life Coach with all the resources that they already need in order to reach their goals and achieve their grandest dreams.  And really, this is true for all people and not just Life Coaching clients.  

When you come to me for Life Coaching, I will prove to you, through working with you that this is true.  My work comes with a one month money back guarantee.  You will start seeing results, within two months or you will get a refund for the month, no questions asked.  By the end of your second month of working with me, you'll have a very clear action plan for achieving your dreams. 

Please pass this on to friends and family that may be interested.  

Yours in Service
Sue Hirsch, Owner of Reap Your Dream and Perfect Day Massage
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